Act 1: In which the calamity is discovered

Act 1: In which the calamity is discovered


Scene I


JONN
Here I am, using the Internet.

POWER
*goes out*

STORM
Mwuhaha!

JONN
Blast.

POWER
*comes back on*

JONN
I shall resume using the Internet.

MODEM
*is broken*

JONN
Lo, what hid'ous fate is this? Horror, horror, toungue nor heart canst conceive nor name thee!

AUDIENCE
Dude, chill.

Scene II



ISP TECH SUPPORT
ISP tech support.

JONN
My DSL is out.

ISP TECH SUPPORT
We'll send someone around.


Act 2: In which the situation is apparently remedied

Act 2: In which the situation is apparently remedied


Scene I


(several weeks later)

MR. WOOD enters. He is carrying a replacement modem.

MR. WOOD
I got a replacement modem.

FAMILY
Huzzah!

JONN plugs in the replacement modem.

JONN
What fresh hell is this? Damn'd device, thou hast reneged on thy promise of broadband Internet access! I curse thee once, I curse thee twice, I curse thee once again!

AUDIENCE
Dude, chill,


Act 3: In which the storm passes over

Act 3: In which the storm passes over


Scene I


(several weeks later)
ISP REPRESENTATIVE
Hello, I'm an ISP representative, calling for directions to your house.

JONN
Might mine deliverance from this dial-up hell be at hand? Oh, frabjous day! Calloh! Callah!

AUDIENCE
Dude, ch-wait, what?

Scene II



MODERATELY PRETTY YOUNG REPAIR LADY pulls up.

REPAIR LADY
Hello.

JONN
Right this way. And just give me a second to get on my smoking jacket.

REPAIR LADY
What?

JONN
Nothing.

REAPIR LADY
It seems that someone toggled this setting to "Disable". The modem itself working fine. You could've been back on the DSL weeks ago.

JONN
But I'm the only one in the family who even knows about that section.

That means...

Seems I had done an hellish thing,
And it would work me woe:
I, such a fool! had kill'd the tool
That made the smut to flow.

REPAIR LADY
Wait, what?

AUDIENCE
Yeah, what?

JONN
I regret nothing!

FIN



//pictures came and broke your heart

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