heard they crowded the floor

We had another power outage on Sunday night. The result being that we now have only one functioning TV left. My mother wasted no time in informing my sister that she had been reminded to unplug the TV in her room, which was supposed to have been removed when school started. Another, more important calamity occurred.

Parents: We have gone to the dinner for a local pastor’s 85th birthday. However, it is already six o’clock, so we will proceed directly to the evening church service, which all of four people besides us will attend.
Me: What? No! I have to go home and study for my First Assignment Of The Year in this particular class!
Parents: Stop being selfish.
Lights: [go out]
Me: Frick no.
Family: [goes home]
Lights: [come back on]
Me: Oh well, it’s only 10:30. I can still check my email for info from my other teammates regarding the First Assignment Of The Year.
DSL Modem: Negro, please.

My mother, of course, took the opportunity to lay a guilt trip on me.

Mum (verbatim): Stop complaining. There are people in New Orleans who haven’t had power in days.
Me: Which has what to do with me?
Mum: That’s a very selfish attitude.
Me: What does the misfortune of people whom I cannot help have to do with my problem?
Mum(verbatim): You always argue with everything I say.
Me (verbatim): No, that’s not arguing. I just want to know what the benefit of one course of action is over the other.
Mum (verbatim): You don’t need to know. You just need to act.
Me (verbatim): I’m 18. (paraphrase)I think I’ve earned the right to question things. (verbatim) Why do you treat me like a child?
Mum (verbatim): Because you’re not mature enough. Look, just this afternoon Daddy pointed out that you didn’t know how to cash a check.
Me (verbatim): I’ve never gotten a check before.
Mum (verbatim): You always want to do exactly opposite of what I say. When I say go left, you go right.
Me (verbatim): Quite the persecution complex you have.
Mum (verbatim): Whatever you say, Mr. Psychologist.
Me (implied): So for you to start treating me like an adult, I have to obey like a child?
Mum (implied): Yes.
Me (implied): Someone set me up the bomb.

//couldn't bear it without you


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